Motivation Monday: Reflections Before Our Honeymoon

The young college version of me used to get anxiety before a beach vacation.

The college version of me used to be completely consumed with thoughts of food, calories, what I looked like, or what I thought I needed to look like in a certain amount of time. The college version of me would miss out on anything in order to look a certain way. The college version of me was incredibly afraid of alcohol. The college version of me needed the me that I am today. 

Sister, friends. I have wanted to go to Bora Bora since I was an itty bitty ten years old. Exactly three days from today the hubs and I take off on Tahitian air to an over the water bungalow I’ve been dreaming of for years! Excited is an understatement! 

In the past I might’ve put myself under so much stress to look “fitspo” enough by the time we go that I’d be incredibly unhappy, even harsher than my already self-critical self, and possibly set myself up to have a less than the ideal trip consumed with self-conscious thoughts about the way I look or whether or not I should “allow” myself a drink or dessert. 

You see, in college, when I’d put myself under that stress I’d never actually make any progress in my “body goals.” Why? First of all, my cortisol was through the roof (hi belly fat hormone caused from stress!), I’d be far too strict in my eating regimen that any portion of the bingeing I’d previously healed from would come racing back with full vengeance. The extreme mindset was strong, and any effort I put in to love and support myself came crashing down at the fault of extremism. 

Today? I’m headed on a beach vacation where I’ll be in a bathing suit every single day, to a destination I’ve dreamt of since I was a little girl. Right now, I feel like I’ve become an entirely new person since then, which, quite honestly I have. Have I had aesthetic goals before this trip? Yeah, I have. But not at the expense of my happiness or mental well-being.

Do I look perfect? Do I have the fitspo worthy toned abs, the perfect arms, or the perfectly sculpted legs? Honestly, I don’t even know. To some probably not, to others, maybe I do. Some days I feel great, proud of the body I’ve created, but mostly proud of the healthy mindset and habits that have become my life. Other days, I feel self-conscious, nit picking every part of me, only to end the day knowing I’ve let my inner critic and ego win, promising a better tomorrow. 

But, friends, this time around the image of my body is not causing me to bring the bingeing back after extreme efforts to lose more weight, I’m not trying to cancel out the however-many calories I may have thought I ate too much of the day before with a fasted cardio. I’m not already trying to convince myself not to drink the champagne every day because I don’t look the way I think I should’ve looked by then.  

In fifteen days I can’t wait to celebrate the incredible relationship we’ve built and the lifetime we have ahead of us. I can’t wait to celebrate in true Di and Ty style. What is Di and Ty style? ALL of the yummy food, probably a lot of dessert, cocktails, wine, adventures, and all of the true vacay celebration items life has to offer. I’ll probably eat “too much” and drink every day, which is much more than normal (let’s be real, my normal is like 1 drink a month. Grandma status and proud), and I don’t care. 

I know, love, and trust my body. I am confident in the fact that I lead an incredibly healthy lifestyle that I love every single day because I want to, because it makes me happy, and I feel like the best version of me when I do. Not because of a body that I want. 

And I know my body will reward me when I get back into my routine after we come home. In my every-day life I pack my meals full of nutritious veggies, lean proteins that I love, and plenty of healthy fats. I exercise in ways that I love because it makes me feel good and supports a healthy headspace that I crave. I have dessert on date nights if I want it, I choose to drink sparkling water over cocktails because I like it better 9 times out of 10, and I choose not to drink in excess because I seriously just hate staying up late and by the time festivities begin I’m already ready for bed. On this vacation I am choosing to eat what I want, drink what I want, exercise in the morning on days we want to because it’s something I love to do, maybe exercise in the form of paddle boarding and swimming, and lay around by the pool not moving an inch with zero guilt.  

I am choosing to love myself and the way I look, whether I’m “#fitspo” or not. I’m choosing not to let any negative inner critic comments dictate the choices I make. 

Our honeymoon isn’t a trip we get to redo. I don’t want to look back and think “if only I’d been more confident in myself and just had the one too many fruity cocktail watching the sunset with T, or taken all of the pictures even if my tummy isn’t perfect.” 

I’m sitting here, writing this blog, as the absolute healthiest version of me. To me, healthy means having a thriving relationship with food, full of colorful nutrients and a lack of fear foods. It’s exercise most days because your body craves it and you love it. Its loving and appreciating your body regardless of how many muscles you can count. It’s having the confidence, happiness, and inner peace to live life to the fullest. 

My hope is that I can inspire even just one of you to create a healthy lifestyle you love because it helps you live your best life. My hope is that you find inner peace and self-love regardless of what your body looks like. If you struggle with food fears, exercise addiction, or a toxic negative mindset I hope that you give yourself the love and appreciation you deserve to seek support and guidance to the healthiest possible life, because you deserve the best of the best. Never hesitate to reach out, I know where you are, I’ve been there. 

My hope is that the next beach vacation you go on you allow yourself to enjoy it, don’t let the guilt or negative self-talk get to you, and know that the healthy relationship you’ve worked so hard to create with your body, fitness, and your mindset will reward you when you get home, and the extra cocktail won’t kill you. 

And while we’re at it, expect SO MUCH Bora Bora photo spam in the near future because I CAN’T WAIT!!!!! 

XO, 

Diana