How to handle feeling homesick or lonely
If you’re new around here, first of all, hi! My name is Diana. I am a CPA, certified holistic health and lifestyle coach, author, and blogger. This past winter my husband and I moved to Italy for his job, so now you can throw travel blogger in that mix too, hehe. But, what we all have in common right now is the temper tantrum of 2020 that is the global Corona Virus pandemic. Over on my Instagram I’ve been showing quite a bit of my experience moving from America to Italy. You can click here for an entire blog about what it’s like moving overseas.
Through sharing my experience with living here, as well as a little bit during the Corona Virus outbreak, I’ve been getting a lot of DMs asking for advice about dealing with feeling lonely or homesick; either because of self-isolation, or because of a recent move for a job, loved one, etc. And I am so glad I’m getting these messages because I believe one of the best things you can do in those instances is ask for help. For some reason we’ve created this stigma that asking for help means you’re weak, and I beg to differ. Asking for help is a sign of strength and the first step in making improvements. You can read all about ways I should’ve been asking for help, and how that’s paved the way to my passion in my book “To Kale And Back: Ditch The Rules And Learn To Thrive In Food, Fitness, And Life.”
I thought it might be more useful to create a blog post about ways that have helped me handle feeling homesick. Prior to moving to Italy we lived in New Mexico, literally cross country from my entire family. So I’ve been in this game for a while you could say.
Let’s get right into it shall we? Here are my best tips for dealing with feeling homesick.
1.Perspective
After going through my certifications for becoming a holistic health and lifestyle coach, and a transformational mindset coach, it was introduced to me that the human mind is actually wired for negativity. It’s EASIER for your mind to think negative thoughts than it is positive. Bummer right? And these negative thoughts turn into patterns, which turn into our “normal,” which influences our decisions and outlook on life, and then becomes our life. Which brings me to the power of perspective. I apply perspective to EVERYTHING, everything. No, of course I’m not perfect, and I’m not bubbly and happy all of the time, but I am aware of when I’m going down a negative spiral so that I can course correct and find perspective in the current situation. And I hope this helps you begin to do that as well.
A prime example is COVID, social distancing, and wearing masks.
I put it all into perspective. Yeah, social distancing sucks, we lost out on about 4 months of our limited time living in Italy, unable to travel and experience life over here and were rather locked up in our homes (literally, there were about 3-4 weeks I had a drone outside my home making sure I wasn’t leaving or using my shared yard...crazy right?!). BUT, my staying home was protecting my elderly neighbors, my not travelling home is protecting my family, my friend’s and strangers immune compromised family, and stopping the spread of the pandemic. My wearing a mask is protecting someone’s Grandma, or Mom, or best friend. It’s never been about me and my comfort or what I’m missing out on. And when the “poor me” thoughts come up, and try and stop myself and remember this perspective.
Perspective in terms of feeling homesick or lonely is similar. I missed the birth of my Godson, I’ll be very far away from my family for quite a few years, I’m not sure when I’ll see my Grandparents again. My family members are my best friends, and that can be really hard. BUT we moved here for my husband’s dream job. We have a stable and secure employment. We’re living in freaking Italy! I’m having once in a lifetime experiences regularly. I’m with my best friend in the whole world, my husband. I’ve grown up with a love of travel and new experiences and now that’s pretty much what I get to live every day. I get to meet a whole new group of people, and make great friends along the way.
Perspective is everything. Whenever you’re struggling with any area of life, try to take a step back and find a healthy perspective of what reality is, not just what your negative emotions are telling you. The book below does a great job of teaching this.
2.Faith/Spirituality
Equally, if not more important to me than perspective is my Faith. My Faith became a very big part of my life after a traumatic experience in my college years (I talk all about it in my book “To Kale And Back”). Since then I’ve really leaned on my Faith in the fact that God has a perfectly mastered plan for me. “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11 And maybe you’re more of a spiritual person, maybe God isn’t your person you have faith in, maybe its The Universe, or something different, and that’s okay. Whatever your version of faith and spirituality is, lean on that.
I trust and believe that God has a beautiful plan for me, bigger and better than anything I could even dream up, and I have some pretty exciting dreams! I trust that He is leading me everywhere that I need to be to fulfill that plan. So if far away from my family for a while is where that is, then I better be making the most of it, and listening for His guidance on why I’m here.
If I’m here for a reason, isn’t that something to be joyful for? Maybe for you is the stepping stone to your dream job, maybe its where you’ll find your life partner, maybe it’s realizing you’re with the wrong person and the distance shows you that, whatever it is, open your heart and mind to see what that might be, and have faith that everything is working out perfectly. Maybe it feels hard right now, but remember storms don’t last forever.
Some resources that I have that have helped me strengthen my faith are:
Podcasts:
Elevation Church
Whoa That’s Good
Ed Mylet
Books:
3.Happiness
Okay, maybe at first glance this is a weird tip. Hang with me here. Part of finding a joyful life is finding joy in every single day. For me this is my morning matcha, evenings I actually get to have dinner with my husband, walks on a sunny day, wearing cute outfits, my favorite candles, a good playlist on the way to the grocery store. These little precious moments that bring you joy add up to days. Days when you find more joy and happiness help you feel more comfortable in where you’re at in your life. They can even act as a little distraction from the fact that you’re homesick or lonely (self-isolation I’m looking at you).Soon your thought patterns (like what I was talking about before) will be more positive, you’ll focus more on everything you have, and everything that is going well, and little by little that feeling of homesickness will fade away.
4.Facetime
Just use it. I honestly Facetime my family 5 times a week while making dinner. I’m not sure what I’d do without it! Let’s just be thankful we don’t have to use carrier pigeons to talk to our families and friends!!
5.Make your new home your home
Again, a weird tip. But what from your childhood home, or whatever you’re feeling homesick from brings you the most joy? What can you take from that and bring into your new home? Maybe you used to go to the farmers market every Saturday with family or a friend, can you do that in your new town? If not, I get you. I lived in the SMALLEST town ever in New Mexico, and we didn’t have many of the things I used to love to do with my family. So my husband and I created new little fun things that brought that same joy. For example, I loved farmers markets in Florida. So, instead we drove to the town over (a full hour hehe) to go to a nicer grocery store where they had fresh local produce, yummy baked goods, and specialty items I used to love to get in Florida with my family. On that same note, maybe there is a scented candle that brought you comfort, or a piece of art, what can you bring with you to show your inner homesick that this new home is actually your home? And that that same joy and peace can be found here?
I hope these tips help you, and if there’s anything you do that you think needs to be added to the list I’d love to hear it. Go ahead and leave it in the comments below!
XO,
Di